he science of relationships is a topic that has fascinated me for a very long time. Most people don’t have a game plan that they consciously apply to enhance the quality of their relationships, thus often being left with subpar connections.

Emotional responsiveness is the most important thing that has emerged from the research over the last 30-plus years, according to Sue Johnson, Clinical psychologist and author. That means, when there is a cue delivered, the other person responds.

Yes, we want this in our romantic relationships and friendships—beyond the mundane nuances of household management or labor distribution—but this is perhaps the easiest thing our companion animals do effortlessly and do oh so well. They rush to see you when you walk through the door, we praise for a job well done and comfort one another when we are low.

I was actually told by a college boyfriend how lovingly I greeted my dogs, but I didn’t greet him the same way. To this day, 15 years later, I still have to make a conscious effort to greet my beloved human partner as excitedly as I do my pets. My fiancé, luckily, is quite good at this and I appreciate it very much. I want to be like that, but it just doesn’t come natural to me.

So, how do everyday individuals move from such harmony and being tapped into an effortless rhythm with our companion creatures create similar results in their human interactions, cultivating a relationship where you feel mutually valued and safe?

The jury may still be out on this one, but here are some practical tips, which I like to call “The Five D’s,” to get you started:

Dedication and a willingness to navigate uncharted waters of what, at times, feels “yucky.” You know the times I’m talking about…when it gets real and awkward and your emotions mix with logic, thwarting old wounds out into the now; when you have to retreat, heal, then go back in, time after time, because it didn’t go as you envisioned. It’s never fun or easy, but it’s a necessary step for nurturing a healthy relationship.

Discover your unique needs. Mindfulness can be a useful tool to lead you along the introspective path and aid you in communications. It is simply a systematic way of paying attention.

Dipping your toe in the water is a good starting point because of the discomfort that can arise. Just because you may be ready to next-level your approach to heighten the quality of your relationships doesn’t necessarily mean that others will be ready, and it takes time to find your footing.

Developing your toolbox is essential. Most people can’t even answer the question of what it is that they want or, more importantly, why they want it. But, the more you practice these things, the more clarity you will gain. As you continue to level-up, new skills and resources will become available and easier to adopt because you have built a foundation. The tools you choose to adopt now must make sense for you personally; something will click, it will resonate with you. And, as one of my mentors told me, “You don’t have to be able to explain it, but you have to listen.”

Demonstrate the ability and master the art of letting go. Being aware that you are holding onto something is crucial. Letting go of it is an entirely different skill to learn and put into practice. But, if anything becomes second nature, it should be this. This will allow you to easily and lovingly greet someone you care for, treat a colleague with the same respect after a disagreement or not freak out on your cat for peeing on your shoes. The list where this skill applies goes on and on and on!

The undercurrent to it all is a choice; a choice available to you 24/7. And anyone with more than one friend, job, pet or relationship knows that your “stuff”—whatever that may be—will show up in a new form if you don’t transcend it. It’s not easy, but it is worth it. It’s a way of life.

Have the courage to be open-minded and open-hearted, and continue to applying the Five D’s again and again. Hone the ability to recognize when it’s time to apply something you’ve learned and when it’s time to let go of the strong emotions, ruminating thoughts or whatever is causing you suffering. Sometimes it’s even letting go of an old tool or coping mechanism that no longer serves you.

While I don’t have all the answers in this area, I seek and practice. I’ve had personal successes and failures. I’ve been my best self and I’ve seen my worst. I tap into my “mind of bliss” so I know how it feels to be there and what it’s like when I’m not. I typically can see the recipe brewing when my less-than-best self peers around the corner, which (usually) gives me time to respond in a way that honors my truest self and keeps my relationships intact. I aim for a more-often-than-not approach, knowing that I am still growing. Reflection is a good space to lean into when you miss the moment and your not-so-best self appears. I try not to be too hard on myself when I am in one of those “growth moments.”

As the human-animal bond gains traction in a way that is now better understood by the mainstream, I encourage you, as a pet lover, to extrapolate healthy lessons from our relationships with the four-legged beings and apply them to your relationships with one another, and even your relationship with yourself. After all, you can be your own worst enemy or your newest best friend—the choice is yours!